I'm typically an indecisive person but it seems that I am more so when I'm around you. One moment, I'll be missing the days when we were closer, but then the next I'll become frustrated with both you and especially me. It's definitely not your issue. I know that what I'm feeling is due to me second guessing myself and it's something I need to fight through in order to get rid of the regret. There are two ways for me to do this, either to completely get over you or to date you and see where it goes (it probably wont go anywhere). I just need to get the thought out of my mind.
When we first met, I definitely looked down upon you. There was absolutely no way that I would have thought we would have ended up in the situation we were in last year, especially because we really met each other through your ex-girlfriend who was one of my close friends at the time. I got and kept you guys together and we had some fun times. I quickly realized she was using you because although she didn't like you in the way you liked her, she felt insecure being single. She cared so much about her self image that she tagged people in her Instagram photos that weren't even there to make people think she had lots of friends and hung out with them all the time. Everyday, hours and hours were put into an attempt at gaining more Instagram followers and she even went so far as to delete her Twitter after she didn't have enough followers at the end of the week. Every single time she posted a new photo, I had to run through five or six different candidates and let her know which one I thought was the best. She turned out to be both an awful girlfriend and an awful friend.
I feel really bad and regretful for all the times she broke up with you and tricked you into asking her out the moment you started talking to another girl because I was part of it. I chastised her continuously for her treatment of you, but I definitely should have taken the next step and talked to you instead of letting you be played for years. I think the thing I want to tell you most is that I'm sorry.
I'm not only sorry for letting my friend play you either. I'm sorry we didn't have a talk about our relationship during the time when you liked me and I was unsure. I'm sorry for my complete awkwardness around you. I'm sorry for my April Fools joke that was kinda, well very, mean. I'm sorry I was stubborn. Mostly, I'm sorry for the split second decision when I got nervous, froze up and said I wouldn't date you to another guy who liked me (I didn't know) right after you said "we aren't dating yet". If I had known what I should have, I would have had a very different reaction. That moment really was a turning point in our relationship that I now look back at with such regret. Although I wouldn't have gone out with you, we should have talked about it instead of you hearing about it later.
At this point, I miss you. I'm not a lonely person, but I appreciated your company. We texted and Snapchatted all the time, you visited me at lunch, and we frequently walked together after school. I appreciated your friendship a lot and I regret how much it's been lost after I rejected you. We were such good friends. Great friends. I wish that didn't go away. I honestly really miss that friendship, I don't care about whatever past thing because you were a great friend to me.
It makes me wonder though, whether we would be able to be good friends. Although we were friends before you started liking me, our friendship really took off when you did and it makes me wonder if you were only a good friend because you wanted to date me and if I wasn't a good friend back to you.
(Not my photo)